The Pink Fluffy Bunny Club

You're my Superman. Strong, silent. I wish I could tell you how much strength you give me, especially right now. I will tell you, someday. Right now, I just have one wish, one prayer. I want you to be happy. I know it may seem silly, but there's nothing I want more than to see a smile on your face or to see you laugh. And not just as a one-off thing, but everyday, every hour, every minute, every second...

I know what you're going through right now. I know that sometimes I make it worse by saying things or by behaving in a certain way. I only wish for you to know that I don't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry for all those times that I have. You're my brave, strong guy. You have no idea how much you inspire me.

You're my life, my love, my everything.

I don't want anything from life.

I don't want a big house or cars.

I don't want a closet full of clothes.

I don't want shoes, jewellery or bags.

I have more than I could possibly ever need.

Material things.. They don't matter to me..

I was wrong about one thing though. There are two things in life that I want.

I want my parents, my guy and my cat to be happy. Genuinely happy.

And I want to be with them. Just be with them.

I've managed to accept that I can't make everything alright. That sometimes it's out of my hand. I can't help someone all the time. But I have come to value giving as much love as I can and just being there for someone. Maybe it would help, maybe it wouldn't. But if I don't do that, I know that I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I want to be with MFG right now. Just be with him. I know that I have hurt him. I just want to listen to him, I just want to do that. To listen to him and just be with him. To give him as much love as is there in my heart right now. I have a lot of faith in him and I would want him to have the same faith in me too. And I love him to an extent I cannot even begin to describe.

I just want to be with him..

There's a song that I would sing for him if I could...

You have my heart, and we'll never be worlds apart,
Maybe in magazines, but you'll still be my star,
Baby cause in the dark, you can't see shiny cars,
And that's when you need me there, with you I'll always share.

Because when the sun shines we shine together,
Told you I'll be here forever,
Said I'll always be your friend,
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end.

Now it's raining more than ever,
Know that we'll still have each other,
You can stand under my umbrella,
You can stand under my umbrella..

Sometimes in life, you come across people who don't ever get what they deserve.

People who are good, true, fair. People who have the clearest heart possible. People who are so hard working that they can make ants look like slackers. People who are intelligent and strong.

People who deserve the best of everything.

It's just not fair when they don't get it. It's just not fair..

MFG is everything that is good in the world. He is so someone I feel lucky and blessed to be with. He brings so much hope, joy and happiness into my life. But I pray that he gets all the happiness that he deserves. For someone who makes others lives beautiful, he deserves to have a beautiful, happy life too. I pray, I pray he gets it soon..

Helplessness.

To wish that you could drive it away in one go.

Sadness.

To wish that you could wipe it all away.

Smile.

To wish that you could bring it back.

Laughter.

To wish that you could hear it over and over again.

Hugs.

To wish that you could give it every single day.

Wishes.

To wish that he would get everything that he wants.

Do you know how much I love talking to you?

Your presence, your very presence on the other end of the line is enough to make my hopes soar and make me happy no matter how down I am.

Right now I feel like talking to you again. If I could, I would talk to you every single day. But if I can't, then I'll talk to you here.

No calls, no messages.

Okay. I broke the second part. But I just wanted to message you so badly..

I want to talk to you too. I want to be there with you. I want to hold you tight and not say a word, just make you realize that I care about you intensly, unlike yesterday when I have no idea what came over me.

I just want to make your sadness and hopelessness disappear. I know that I can't do that, so I just want to be there by your side. I just want to be there by your side..

If I could, I would give you my entire share of happiness and take all your sadness. You're somebody who deserves nothing but happiness. The past couple of years have been the first time I've ever wished that wishes came true. I wish for you to be happy. Genuinely happy.

Love you darling.. More than my life :)

Have you ever had a feeling inside you that you can't really explain? Something that seems irritating, annoying, but then later starts to hurt you and people you love? I don't want to talk about this. Not right now. I tell MFG everything first, except when I can't talk to him. He knows the tip of the iceberg, but he's the only one who does. I hope I would be able to tell him.. This thing.. It's eating me up!! I hate it! Hate it hate it hate it!!! I just wish I could get rid of it.....................

And we come here to talk again.

I know it's stupid what I'm going to say right now, but I want to make sure that you're alright. It's stupid because I know you're not and you won't be. There are times when I feel like telling you that I love you or that I'm there beside you, but those seem so so soooo hopelessly inadequate!! Plus that would militate against your wanting to be alone. No calls, no messages.

Okay, I'm still going to text you asking you if you wish to talk. I'm sorry if it jars you.. But I'm not going to ask you to contact me when you want to. For some reason, that would make me feel like I was being really callous, even if you wouldn't think the same. I wouldn't want to be callous to you. I know I have been so, but I wouldn't want to be. It's a sick feeling to know that you've hurt someone, especially when you love that person more than your life. My only hope is that somehow I can heal that. And I'll keep trying no matter what.

I wish I could hold you tight and make everything alright...

My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

- Yvaine, Stardust                 

And so I come again to talk to you when I can't talk to you.

I want to tell you how terrible your pain and helplessness feels. It makes me want to do something about it, and makes me feel even more helpless when I realise that I can't.

Yesterday night was one of the hardest decisions I had to make, ever. Not leaving you alone when you requested that - that was one of the things I had told you that you could definitely expect from me. I had told you that whenever you wanted to be alone, I would let you, no questions asked, and would wait for you to come back, no matter what. I intend to honour that.

But yesterday you were crying.

Do you have any idea how it feels when you cry? It hurts! It hurts because I can't do anything about it! I couldn't even hold you tight let alone drive your worries away. And to say that everything will be alright would be an insult, a slap to your face, and I would never want to do that.

I wanted to call you back so badly. To leave you alone, crying, damn!! But you wanted to be alone.. You had requested that from me in the best way that you could. I couldn't have denied that to you.. I just couldn't..

I'm never going to leave your hand or stop walking by your side. I know that may seem inadequate in the face of everything, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

I'll love you forever and ever and ever.

I feel like such a bijjee person who doesn't even have time to write anything. Par ki karaan? I've started writing for an online magazine that's been co-founded by a friend, and most of the time I'm wondering what to write about for that :|

*sigh*

Anyhow. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller-coaster. I'm on a high and then suddenly I go zooming towards the ground. There are thoughts inside my head which I would just like to shut and throw out, but it's not happening. Or rather, I'd say it's verrry difficult. I'm trying.

I don't like negativity. It has this tendency to disrupt everything and ruin everyone's peace of mind. And it can be hard to get rid of, no matter how much you want to shake it off. Even when you try not to let it affect you, sometimes it seems inevitable. The one saving grace is MFG. His presence helps a lot, and his words too.

Thank you, guy!! ^_^

I want to talk to you so badly right now.

Do you know what they say about sharing what you feel - that when you share joy, it doubles, but when when you share sorrow, it halves. I wish I couldn't just halve your sorrow but take it away completely.

Nobody likes it when the people they love are in anguish. I wish I had a magic wand that I could just wave and make everything better. Happy. But I don't. Still, one can dream..

You're my wonderful guy and I'm going to do everything that I can to make sure that you're happy.