Can Anyone Get Me A Lifetime Supply of Red Nail Paint?

Dear You,

I'm writing this letter to you here because nobody comes here. It's like my very own corner of the internet where I can write what's on my mind and no one will ever come and find it. The reason I'm writing this letter is because I need to stop my brain from imploding. I very much doubt its existence, but judging by the throbbing I've been having in my upper floor since about a day and a half, I think there's a chance I might have it.

Today, I tried to go on to your FB profile to send you a message (since your phone is switched off), to tell you that I'll move on, just so that you could move on too, and to tell you to not run away and live your life. You've blocked me and now I have no way to tell you that.

You're going to be free of me.

I know I've lied. But I realised that if by lying, you end up living a happy life, then that's a good lie. It's a lie worth telling. I just wish I'd told this to you last night and not the truth. The truth doesn't matter over here.

I know it seems absurd that I wouldn't even try to move on. I don't know how to convince you about that, that I can't. I can't because I gave myself over so completely that as much as I'd try, I wouldn't be able to do it. I know that must sound even more absurd to you since you'd say that even you gave yourself completely over to me, and I know that. But maybe its because we think differently, that's why it wouldn't ever make sense to you. I haven't ever given my heart so completely to anyone except my parents, and if they ever tell me that they want to be free of me, I'll die. Do you remember the time my mom told me in anger that she wished she'd had my best friend for her daughter rather than me. A part of me died inside that day even though it was said in anger. Well, you fall in the same category and I can't do anything about that.

Something happened today. I was lying with my head in my mom's lap, and I think I must've said something nice. My mom stroked my face and looked at me with so much love, and all I could think of was, "Please! I'm not a nice person. I can't even keep the one guy I'd ever love happy or give him what he deserves. I don't deserve love!". I wanted to scream that out because it hurt. It hurt so badly!!

I made you run away. I made someone I love want to push me out of his life completely. Honestly, I used to think that I'd suck if I ever ended up falling in love, but now I know that. I'm not cut out for a relationship. I'd just keep on hurting you more and more and more. You suffering on my account isn't something I'd want, my optimism be damned.

I still feel and would continue to feel that we'll be able to cross all obstacles in our path. I know that it would be difficult and if you think that you'll be the only one suffering, think about the fact that I'd know you're sad but you're not able to confide in me - that's also suffering, you know. But I'd always try my level best to draw you out and to get you to trust me and confide in me again.

But if I think that, I'm afraid I won't be able to lie to you. Lying to you would be horribly tough, I suppose. But I have to do that.

Love you forever :)

Me

Comments

[well wisher]

if u think no one will ever come to this place then I must say to you "friend you are mistaken"..Im regular reader of your blogs..although few of your blogs go completely out of my scope:D..makin me think "what am i reading:p"...
nyways i know u as a very meek girl..n im sure u r de same.so its obvious that u dont hav dat attitude of hurting others feelings..but at times ppl may get hurt due to misunderstandings..so have no regrets abt wat u did..i dont knw wat myt hav happened..but still I know u cant hurt ppl intentionally

[She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named]

Hey! Thanks for the faith :)